what is happiness?

~being given a zucchini from a friend's grandma
~finding people who love to sing as well
~meeting young men who believe in women's rights (!)
~staying up till 3am discussing everything from how hard it is to be vulnerable and open in front of people you've never met, to whether it would be cooler to be the worlds fastest runner or the worlds fastest swimmer
~watching & exclaiming over sand wasps
~playing capture the flag
~finding the campus cat, Pookie
~unplanned visiting
~making ratatouille with said zucchini

question

what do you say when someone asks you, "why are you a christian?"

(if this applies to you)

job satisfaction

I've never told anyone this before because I never thought it was very important to anyone but myself:

When I was little I wanted to be an explorer like Hudson or Cartier because I loved the idea of chartering the unknown, making discoveries, meeting interesting people..
I was devastated when I found out that we already know where everything is, and I put my aspirations of becoming a great explorer aside.

I think I might be living my childhood dream.

a feat

i like all my courses.

maddythoughts

my new place is like living in a cottage permanently

the people in my program intimidate me (i haven't met them all yet)

i've been nineteen for three and a half weeks and i still haven't had my first legal drink. i keep missing perfect opportunities or being busy.

i am being given my own cell phone by my grandparents.

sensory overload.

i feel... unsettled. which i guess makes sense.

food food food food food. i need to go shopping tomorrow.. or today.. whatever. basic necessities. i am so indecisive.

peters' teaching payed off! three days of solid yelling and i was the only person who didn't lose their voice! horay

i forgot about this: Jonah gets mad at God after God has compassion on the people of Ninevah. he tells god "you see? i knew this would happen! you ask me to come to a place, and when i get there i don't have to do anything much, because you decide to have mercy on them! i wish i were dead."

wow. 

if i want to spend my life travelling, i have /got/ to get used to this unsettled feeling. it prohibits me from doing much. 

don't you hate rejection? i hate rejection.

this is cynical and sad and insecure of me.

but actually i have been thinking about my blessings:

>great apartment, avec pool, dog, and fantastic landlady/landlord

>accepted into difficult, interesting, unique, practical program - truly a lucky thing. and something i am genuinely thankful for.

>still have my guitar and my cello

>millionth chance to prove what i can be and live up to

>independence will be sweet, once i get used to it.

>chance to try new things

>no nagging! not at the moment anyway

>so much potential. i just hope i can be flexible and friendly to everyone and thoughtful and everything i should and can be.

wonky

in the next episode, find out what madeleine bought from no frills, how she finally styles her room, and what her first class (environmental science) is like.