maddythoughts

my new place is like living in a cottage permanently

the people in my program intimidate me (i haven't met them all yet)

i've been nineteen for three and a half weeks and i still haven't had my first legal drink. i keep missing perfect opportunities or being busy.

i am being given my own cell phone by my grandparents.

sensory overload.

i feel... unsettled. which i guess makes sense.

food food food food food. i need to go shopping tomorrow.. or today.. whatever. basic necessities. i am so indecisive.

peters' teaching payed off! three days of solid yelling and i was the only person who didn't lose their voice! horay

i forgot about this: Jonah gets mad at God after God has compassion on the people of Ninevah. he tells god "you see? i knew this would happen! you ask me to come to a place, and when i get there i don't have to do anything much, because you decide to have mercy on them! i wish i were dead."

wow. 

if i want to spend my life travelling, i have /got/ to get used to this unsettled feeling. it prohibits me from doing much. 

don't you hate rejection? i hate rejection.

this is cynical and sad and insecure of me.

but actually i have been thinking about my blessings:

>great apartment, avec pool, dog, and fantastic landlady/landlord

>accepted into difficult, interesting, unique, practical program - truly a lucky thing. and something i am genuinely thankful for.

>still have my guitar and my cello

>millionth chance to prove what i can be and live up to

>independence will be sweet, once i get used to it.

>chance to try new things

>no nagging! not at the moment anyway

>so much potential. i just hope i can be flexible and friendly to everyone and thoughtful and everything i should and can be.

wonky

in the next episode, find out what madeleine bought from no frills, how she finally styles her room, and what her first class (environmental science) is like.