my cherry tree

I've commissioned myself as family gardener. This is the before picture^^ - in three weeks it will look unrecognizable (in a good way), I promise.

Cool, eh?

here is where i'm at; gargantuan moments of self-reflection to follow

All my life I've been considered incredibly independent. But what I've realized is that I have been completely dependent on other people making me angry. As long as someone else is telling me what to do, I thrive by doing the opposite, or doing more than they thought possible. I've always had something to prove. So for the past couple years as society simply expects me to get on with life on my own without the challenge of being told what to do, I have been sinking. I've been waiting for something to happen to me, rather than figuring out what I want to happen, and working for it. I have nothing to fight against except myself, and that fight gets boring very fast.
Starting now, I am going to look for my fire and work my ass off to get what I want.
I have always loved this line "Though she be but little, she be fierce."
What do I want?
I have to figure that one out too.

I decided not to write anything until I had saved up some more important thoughts... but now I can't think of anything profound to say.
I'm thinking of switching universities: at Canadian Mennonite University in Winnipeg I could study IDS and Disaster Recovery.
I decided that I am a pacifist.
I've also been thinking about nursing. Up to this point, I didn't want to become a nurse because I thought it would be awful to marry a doctor and then raise a family and succumb to the stereotype. I am obviously prejudiced. Anyways I would do it, so that I can work for the Red Cross or something similar, in war zones.
wheeeeeeee
hello
That's about it, really.

bit of a test of my character. ironically
good bye for now

how cool am i?

i am:
listening to paul simon, graceland
making pancakes
catsitting for jane and peters
about to spend the night in said former drama teacher's apartment
how cool am i?
words cannot express my current sentiments

after an allnighter

in honour of dan - here are some unconsidered thoughts of mine

First energy drink EVER: amp energy. it was actually quite tasty.

i have less than a month until my first race since grade 8, and i have no exercise regime yet. i haven't run in a week. i don't really intend on running today.

did you know there are bugs living in your eyelashes? they're supposed to be there.

i LOVE david mitchell!! ahhhhhhh if i can't find a robin hood, i am going to marry a david mitchell.

in the last three days i've been lightly pondering a few things: switch to forestry? switch to environmental science? spend a semester in kenya studying peace and conflict resolution?

i intend to spend all of may gardening. i want local plants that are going extinct. i'm also going to finish knitting the sweater, and play music, and get my g1. don't yell at me.

AND I'M GOING TO GIVE UP THE COMPUTER FOR GOOD. i've been antisocial for way way way too long.

i still need a place to stay this summer. somewhere inexpensive. i can live with cockroaches if i must.

i don't know why this bothers me, but blogs seem so self-absorbed... i guess that's the point.. but every now and then i feel abashed about forcing my opinions and feelings on everyone else. i don't like the power much.

my room is a pig-sty.
must print essay. shower. food. school.
new weird thing: when i'm dead tired, my eyeballs go in and out of focus.

wild

This is the story my Grandma told me last night, in a voice that made it sound like she was telling me about a conversation she had at the grocery store, or something just as mundane.

We were in a bus on our way to visit some missionaries in rural Thailand and when we were about halfway there, some bandits boarded the bus and shot guns at the roof. They took everything, our papers (including our passports), money, and any jewelery we had with us. They took the watch my mother gave me. They then forced us out of the bus and we had to squat (not sit) on the ground in a line. They shot and killed the man squatting next to Granddad. It was a miracle they didn't kill anyone else. They slashed the tires of the bus and left us there. Somehow, the bus company got word of what happened, and sent another bus to pick us up. When we finally got to the village, Granddad bought me a new watch. I'm not sure where he got the money, but he must have had some hidden that the bandits didn't find.